Görlitzer Park Dealer Launches Subscription Weed Service With Loyalty Points and a Weekly Newsletter
Police say the “monthly plan” includes pickup windows, a points ladder, and a tone that suggests customer success is now part of street-level crime.
Street Crime & Consumer Anxiety Reporter
A park economy upgrades its user experience
On Tuesday, Jan. 16, at 6:38 p.m., several pedestrians near the southwest path of Görlitzer Park—between the skating area and the exit toward Eisenbahnstraße—reported being offered what one described as “a subscription, but like, outdoors.”
According to three witnesses interviewed by The Wedding Times, a dealer known as “Yasin” introduced a tiered membership model for weed and cocaine deliveries in and around the park, complete with loyalty points and an email newsletter sent from a Gmail account that one customer forwarded to this newsroom. The subject line: “Weekly Drops + Member Perks (Read to the end).”
“I thought it was spam,” said Nora Eberhardt, 29, a museum registrar from Moabit, who said she scanned a QR code printed on a laminated card. “Then it asked me to choose a plan. Bronze, Silver, or ‘S-Bahn Delay,’ which I’m still not sure is a joke or a threat.”
“Bronze is casual. Platinum is… committed.”
Customers described three membership tiers with pricing communicated verbally—“as discreet as any spoken invoice can be in a public park,” one witness said. Perks allegedly include:
- Loyalty points: one point per purchase, redeemable for “extras,” including rolling papers, a lighter, or “priority timing.”
- Pickup windows: “15-minute slots” offered on busy nights, described as “efficient, if you enjoy scheduling your moral compromises.”
- A newsletter: weekly updates featuring availability notes, warnings about undercover patrol patterns, and what multiple recipients described as “embarrassingly upbeat copy.”
One excerpt reviewed by this paper advised subscribers to “stay hydrated and don’t get weird,” followed by a reminder to delete chat histories. Another contained a customer spotlight (“Member of the Week: ‘Chris (a.k.a. Sweatshirt Guy)’—thanks for always being ready”).
A 34-year-old software product manager living in Wedding, who requested to be identified only as Emir, described the language as “unsettlingly corporate.” He added, “It’s like Marx but with push notifications: alienation, but with a referral code.”
Police: “We are familiar with customer retention”
A spokesperson for Berlin Police Directorate 5, Chief Inspector Sabine Krüger, said in a phone interview Wednesday at 9:12 a.m. that officers were aware of attempts to “formalize street commerce.”
“We do not consider loyalty points to be a mitigating factor,” Krüger said. “Also, a newsletter suggests documentation, which is… hard to swallow, legally speaking.”
Krüger would not confirm whether the police had subscribed.
Neighborhood consequences: fewer arguments, more consumer shame
Nearby businesses reported that the park’s commerce had taken on an unusually “organized” rhythm. At 11:25 p.m. Saturday, Mehmet Koc, 52, who runs a late-night snack counter on Adalbertstraße, said he saw “less yelling, more checking phones.”
“Before, people negotiated like it was street poetry,” Koc said. “Now it’s scanning, nodding, moving on. Very German, but without invoices.”
Some customers expressed reluctant admiration. “It’s horrible,” said Eberhardt. “But when the market penetrates everything, even your bad decisions get a customer journey.”
The final line of the newsletter included a disclaimer: “If you’re unhappy, please don’t trauma-dump in chat. Use the survey link.”
As of press time, the survey link remained active.