Weserstraße’s New Cloud: Every Other Storefront Is Now a Vape Outlet, Residents Say
Between Herrfurthstraße and Rollbergstraße, an estimated dozen vape boutiques appeared overnight — and they all display the same framed portrait in the window.
Kiez Features Reporter
On Tuesday, sometime before noon, residents walking along Weserstraße between Herrfurthstraße and Rollbergstraße noticed an unusual pattern: every second storefront had been refitted into a vape outlet.
By Wednesday morning the tally — from Weserstraße 30 to Weserstraße 78 — was 12 out of 24 ground-floor businesses rebranded with glass façades, minimalist logos and menu boards offering subscription plans. “It was like counting teeth,” said Selim Arslan, 62, who has lived above Bekir Bäckerei at Weserstraße 41 for 28 years. “One minute you have a bakery, the next minute there is a place asking if you want to ‘upgrade your cloud’ for €14.99 a month.”
The outlets range from the seed-funded "Nebel Labs" (Weserstraße 34) to a cozier-sounding “Cloud & Co.” (Weserstraße 38). Staff wear identical monochrome sweaters. A staff member at Nebel Labs who gave only her first name, Lina, said the rollout was intentional: “We wanted a consistent experience. Memberships launch next week.” When asked who funded the expansion, Lina pointed to a QR code and smiled.
Residents have noticed more than branding. Each outlet displays the same framed portrait in the window: a head-and-shoulders photo of a middle-aged man in a cardigan, moustache neatly trimmed. The portrait has been dubbed “The Landlord” in local WhatsApp groups. Neighbors report that the portrait sometimes seems to catch reflections oddly — and one teenager swore it blinked at midnight. “If Kafka and a pitch deck had a baby, this would be it,” joked Anna Köhler, 34, a teacher who moved to Neukölln in 2010.
The Bezirksamt Neukölln said it was investigating whether renovations complied with zoning rules. "We are looking into business registrations and signage permits," said Marion Köhler, press officer for the district. She declined to speculate about rapid conversions, adding, “If there’s a coordinated commercial strategy, it must comply with building and fire codes.”
Longtime merchants say the change is disorienting. Fatma Yılmaz, owner of a tailoring studio at Weserstraße 43, reported fewer morning customers since the outlets opened. “They come for the smell of cardamom, now they come for neutral air,” she said. The irony is not lost: some new customers complain about gentrification during lunch breaks at Nebel Labs’ “inhalation bar,” then post photos of themselves at the counter.
For now, Weserstraße reads like a small, eerily efficient experiment in retail replication — a Baudrillardian simulacrum in Helvetica. Neighbors plan a meeting this weekend at Café Knick (Weserstraße 52) to discuss responses; Selim Arslan says he will bring a tray of simit. “We’ll see if the cloud can compete with a proper sesame crust,” he said, watching someone punch a QR code to join a waiting list.